Entry No#19 Kickboxer from Hell

You gotta hand it to a movie that has 'Kickboxer' in the title, yet shows no kickboxing on the bad box art.. it takes a courageous sort of lunacy to do that. The two oiled up Duran Duran band members slugging it out on the cover don't look as though they're in a particularly well choreographed fight either, but that might be down to the possibility one of them seems to be blind.. I assume his cane and dog are just out of shot.

Apparently this was part of some hideous series that the producers hoped would take off surrounding the kickboxing adventures of some JKVD rip-off who fights for the good and great against various semi-supernatural foes.. sadly for the viewers, while the producers had gone so far into thinking through the concept of a series of films, they had forgotten to consider any coherent plot, characters, motivations.. and had indeed forgotten to actually have anything, you know, filmed, because as it turns out this flick is two wildly differing films spliced together. Bad dubbing, hell that isn't hell, devils that aren't really devils, never ending training sequences and a largely nonsensical plot renders most viewers dumbstruck.. as the IMDb will show..

IMDB Review: This is, without a doubt, the worst thing ever put to film, ever, no exceptions! We rented it, thinking it would be good for a laugh. Any movie with a reflective, shiny box has to have something good in it, right? Wrong!


This movie is actually two movies spliced together. One was filmed in the USA and is the actual movie  and the other is an old Japanese horror flick from the 70's. They are spliced in to one film, but make absolutely no sense together.

Either of these two movies would have been bad, but together, they are mind-numbingly horrible. To top off the atrocity, both films have been over-dubbed so as to create the illusion that it is one movie instead of two (after all, the USA part was done in English, the other, obviously not).

Nothing can prepare you for the onslaught of junk you will be absorbing if you play this tape. Make certain you do not watch this abomination alone. I really can't exaggerate that. 

Beautiful, just beautiful. You can't beat being suckered in by a 'shiny' VHS box! But perhaps the film has some merits?



If you feel mentally strong enough you can watch the rest of this mess on Youtube.. enjoy you sick bastards! Seen the movie? Know something about it? Drop a comment below.

Entry No# 03 Fist of Glory

Sweet God. I mean, sweet God.. I can't tell if the bandana wearing guys head has been Photoshopped on or not.. but either way this has to be one of the most derivative box artworks I've seen for a while. Explosions? Check. Guns? Check. Soldiers? Check. Military-esque 'Stencil' Font?. Check. The only saving grace, if you can call it that is the unintentionally hilarious title. Perhaps a new tagline would help.. 'Fist of Glory - elbow deep in the apocalypse'.. or 'Fist of Glory - Uncle Sam's gonna wear you like a flesh glove!'

IMDB synopsis: Nope. But there is a review...
''What the hell is this movie supposed to be? The first thirty minutes were of soldiers fighting in Vietnam. It featured some of the worst action sequences ever. People died before explosions went off, every NVA soldier was willing to drop his gun, and participate in some karate fighting, and like the Japanese in bad WWII movies, the Vietmanese soldiers had American weapons and vehicles. Aside from the crap action, the setting sucked as well. It was extremely obvious the movie was filmed in a forest on the northern seaboard.

The next forty minutes were just plain crap. A soldier returns to Vietnam, to visit an old friend still their. The remainder of the movie has some dumb plot about drug dealers and guns.

This movie was terrible. The acting, setting, plot, characters, and everything else sucked. Don't bother even looking at the box. It you saw it and thought it was an underrated Vietnam action movie, slap yourself.''
 
Seems the flick lives up to it's awful box art then.. Seen the movie? Know something about it? Drop a comment below.

Entry No# 01 Dance with Death

So tricky to begin this cavalcade of crap, but here's as good a place as any. If this doesn't scream cheap 90's erotica-thriller...or 'Thirotica' as I like to call it, then nothing does. The blonde Pam-Anderson-clone beach babe languishing across the phalic weapon and the thick title font screaming dread.. So delightfully awful.

Never mind the chicks got a missing leg and is apparently only about 6 inches tall, shes still hot. Put her on the box art! What's the betting she doesn't actually appear in the movie?

IMDB synopsis: A string of murders at a local strip joint give a reporter the chance to do undercover investigation. She gets a job as a stripper at the establishment, where she befriends some of the other women, who know more about what is happening than they have publicly admitted. As she gets closer to the truth, her life is put in jeopardy.

Oh, this screams Oscar!

Seen the movie? Know something about it? Drop a comment below.