Entry No# 06 Savage Island

No we're talking! When I was a young fresh faced lad scanning the racks of my local video rental place this is exactly the kind of cover that would have enticed me in..

Composition wise this is firmly an 80's cover - the cross-hatch background with the vague neon glow of the off-centre main picture all scream 80's. Plus of course the blonde beach babe for some reason bursting out of the main image, which doesn't make much sense, but what the hell. Exotic locales, exotic women, 'Savage' in the title and a babe coming at me with an Uzi! And Linda Blair is in it!

This has to be quality, right?

IMDB Synopsis: Women who have been captured and sold as slave labor to a South American emerald mine hatch a plan for revolution and revenge.

Oh right, so this is like one of those prison movies, but set in some generic South American jungle.. didn't Linda Blair make a prison movie or two? Caged Heat or something.. Caged Fury.. Caged Muff Diving?..something like that. Anyway, with Linda Blair in it it's got to be good, right?



Oh.
Seen the movie? Know something about it? Drop a comment below.

Entry No# 05 Project: Kill

Leslie Neilsen before he was 'fart-machine-don't-call-me-Shirley' Leslie Neilsen in what looks like a cheap chop-socky thriller about mind-control or some such. This is one ugly piece of box art, featuring Mr Neilsen brandishing a BB gun and hugging a man, while Nancy Kwan looks on, perturbed. What's with the squares background? Or is Leslie waving his gun around in a toilet stall? 'Pass me the soap, or die! For I am programmed to kill - BUT OUT OF CONTROL!'

IMDB Synopsis: John Trevor escapes from the military base where he commanded Project: Kill, a mind control experiment that used drugs to create bodyguards and assassins for the United States and makes his way to the Philippines. Soon Trevor finds himself in love with Lee Su and feeling the with drawl symptoms from the drugs for the mind control that make him very dangerous not only to himself but everyone around him.

His former second in command Project: Kill agent Frank Lassiter has been ordered to find him before the with drawl effects become too violent and before he sells out the program. Asian mobster Alok Lee is also after Trevor in the hopes of getting the secrets of Project: Kill. Time is running out for Trevor as the with drawl becomes worse, Lassiter, the Philippine police, and Lee's men close in on him.

Ah, the Philippines.. where else would a mind-controlled commander of a top-secret military operation to create assassins for the US go? Bit of luck it's cheap to film there too...



Seen the movie? Know something about it? Drop a comment below.

Entry No# 04 Death Cheaters

Ok, now this one is just pure ugly. Yes, I'm sure there's been a decent amount of fading on the original colours, but either way that does not excuse the hideous composition and execution! It doesn't exactly draw you into the plot either does it? Perhaps the story is that of a sad freak of nature who was born with a helicopter instead of a left arm, and now spends his days hovering about town trying in vain to gun down criminals like some kind of gyro-coptic superhero.. let's call him 'Helicopter Boy'.. or 'Chopper Dude'.

IMDB synopsis: None. But a review..
''This is a fun movie provided it's not to taken too seriously.The plot is essentially an excuse to string together some great stunts that were quite high tech and breathtaking for their day. Abseiling down the side of the Sydney Hilton Hotel, dune buggy racing in a suburban shopping mall, and great pyrotechnics are just some of the many things you'll see. The film seems somewhat dated by todays standards, but still very enjoyable to watch.''
 
So no Chopper Dude? Pity - think they missed out there...

Entry No# 03 Fist of Glory

Sweet God. I mean, sweet God.. I can't tell if the bandana wearing guys head has been Photoshopped on or not.. but either way this has to be one of the most derivative box artworks I've seen for a while. Explosions? Check. Guns? Check. Soldiers? Check. Military-esque 'Stencil' Font?. Check. The only saving grace, if you can call it that is the unintentionally hilarious title. Perhaps a new tagline would help.. 'Fist of Glory - elbow deep in the apocalypse'.. or 'Fist of Glory - Uncle Sam's gonna wear you like a flesh glove!'

IMDB synopsis: Nope. But there is a review...
''What the hell is this movie supposed to be? The first thirty minutes were of soldiers fighting in Vietnam. It featured some of the worst action sequences ever. People died before explosions went off, every NVA soldier was willing to drop his gun, and participate in some karate fighting, and like the Japanese in bad WWII movies, the Vietmanese soldiers had American weapons and vehicles. Aside from the crap action, the setting sucked as well. It was extremely obvious the movie was filmed in a forest on the northern seaboard.

The next forty minutes were just plain crap. A soldier returns to Vietnam, to visit an old friend still their. The remainder of the movie has some dumb plot about drug dealers and guns.

This movie was terrible. The acting, setting, plot, characters, and everything else sucked. Don't bother even looking at the box. It you saw it and thought it was an underrated Vietnam action movie, slap yourself.''
 
Seems the flick lives up to it's awful box art then.. Seen the movie? Know something about it? Drop a comment below.

Entry No# 02 Snake Eater

Ahh, Lorenzo you manly man you. He may like to eat snakes, but he loves to sniff his gun.. In this doggedly 80's action flick box art we see B-movie regular Lorenzo Lamas bare his impressive tattoo so the bad guys know who's in charge. What's the betting that his character's name is something like 'Steel' or 'Colt'.. perhaps 'Fist'? Also, what's the betting that he's a renegrade loner who doesn't actually eat any snakes in the movie?.

IMDB synopsis: The Snake Eaters are an elite division of the Marines especially trained for search and destroy missions. This actioner chronicles the exploits of one of them who has become a cop. Known as a tough loner, he returns to find the band of backwoods bad-guys who killed his parents and abducted his sister.

Oh, my bad.. not a renegrade loner, a tough loner.. my mistake for trying to second guess the writers originality! Seen the movie? Know something about it? Drop a comment below.

Entry No# 01 Dance with Death

So tricky to begin this cavalcade of crap, but here's as good a place as any. If this doesn't scream cheap 90's erotica-thriller...or 'Thirotica' as I like to call it, then nothing does. The blonde Pam-Anderson-clone beach babe languishing across the phalic weapon and the thick title font screaming dread.. So delightfully awful.

Never mind the chicks got a missing leg and is apparently only about 6 inches tall, shes still hot. Put her on the box art! What's the betting she doesn't actually appear in the movie?

IMDB synopsis: A string of murders at a local strip joint give a reporter the chance to do undercover investigation. She gets a job as a stripper at the establishment, where she befriends some of the other women, who know more about what is happening than they have publicly admitted. As she gets closer to the truth, her life is put in jeopardy.

Oh, this screams Oscar!

Seen the movie? Know something about it? Drop a comment below.

The ever present first post. An introduction

This site is dedicated to celebrating the bad, awful, cheesy or just downright insane box art from VHS, DVD, and Blu-ray movies. From the sword-and-sandel epics and sci-fi rip-offs of the 80's and beyond, to the copy-cat cheese-fests of todays straight to DVD market.

I'll be making a few changes and additions around here over the coming weeks, but hope to put some examples up very shortly. Meanwhile, if you have a terrible piece of box-art you want to share, drop me a line!